unlucky day

today is an unlucky day

the taxi driver spoiled my good mood
he made me frightened
he made me helpless,
as i couldnt find anyone that could help me that moment
he made me hate indonesia so much
he made me wanna back home so badly
he made me hate my bf a little,
as i could not reach him
he made me suddenly hate that,
he is so far from me
i even hate
the future long distance relationship we will face
and hate that i could not told all of this to my mum
because i dun wan her to be worried
no family, no bf, no friends beside that moment i being bullied
pity me~~

and the ibu and bapak at our kos
i just wondering
if there is protest near our kos
and they are finding for malaysian
will them just push me out to dead?
according to today`s situation, there is 98% possibility, they will do so

i hate them, especially the ibu
i just kept everything she done on me secretly
but my heart is no longer affordable

cooking at the kitchen
she kept mumbling
mumble that i used up long time for cooking
she kept watching and more suitable to say that she kept monitor me for cooking
she didnt let me to use large fire
each time, i could only use the smallest fire to cook
i could not use the large space to cut the vege
i could only use the super little space near the basin
sometimes, she hide some big pot and bowl up
including this time, before she back for raya..

previously, she said me
for using her`s  detergent for washing
fine...
i got a little anger that time
because the others always use the detergent there
but she said nothing
i bought her a medium size detergent back
now, everytime i washed, even a spoon, or a cup
i need to showed her that i used mine
no one will ever know whats my feeling

my bf told..
maybe she dislikes me because i used the kitchen which she dominate before
well...
i started to give her and the bapak a few packets of biscuits each time i took those biscuits
this time back,
i even gave ibu the whole pack of instant cereal drinks( honey flavour) which i like the most
thinking that they can drink and stand for hungriness during puasa

but, they will never treat me in a good way no matter how hard i tried
maybe someone was right
i just so easily to be bully

today, when the taxi driver went down
he talked to bapak and ibu about the case
haha!
same skin colour ppl will help those same skin colour, right?
the bapak say nothing but just smiling
and finally when the taxi driver voiced up" dari malaysia kan?"
he noded and replied so at once
and they talked something bad, i knew

until now...
there is still some sadness in me
my tears still falling down
they even fell down more easily
i just cant hold my feeling
each time, think back
they fell down unconciously
aiykss

how many days that i need, to calm myself down?

and my dear cut his finger today ><
such an unlucky day